{theres a place in the dark where the animals go}

so after waiting 3 weeks for blood work test results,
I'm told I have to go to the doctor in order to hear my results.
goddamn it.
I hate doctors!

I feel a bit better today,
still all :'( though.

I just wanna be over and done with this already....
but I know it doesn't really work like that does it?

purple eye

{but wheres your heart?}

I feel fucking awful emotionally.

I had to tell my aunt and cousin about what happened with Corey,
they knew how much I loved him. :/

I've just had a bad weekend.

going thrift shopping cheered me up a bit,
but then the Corey talk came so yeah.

I feel like every good thing I get I have to pay for later.

I just want to be happy again.

even though everything else was so complicated,
for a while, that love was simple
and it filled holes I didn't think could be filled.

it made me whole for a while,
like, no matter what, everything was going to be okay.
for the first time,
I felt secure.
I want that again.
so, so badly.

hope you choke

{I am not afraid to keep on living}

so apparently my entire family thinks I'm obnoxious and all my problems with people(my mother and such) stem from me being a cold person, argumentive and I 'play the victim well' oh and I'm just not 'socialized' enough. well, being locked in a closet for days on end will do that to you.
thanks only family member who knows about what happened to me

oh he has AWESOME timing too.

  • Current Music
    famous last words-my chemical romance
  • Tags
devil skwerl

{and I know, theres nothing I can say to change that part}


I really need to pull myself together.

I'm such a mess.

depression and neediness are just kicking my fucking ass right now.

despite this, I had a fairly good day with Carebear(even though I was all depressed and he was all sick), his big brother John and John's sweet little 3 year old Malikai.(hes so cute! ^o^)

{The stars, broken and swaying, like tears unable to be hidden.}

my Nana asked after Corey this morning so I had to tell her that we broke up.
she was surprised, which, of course, reminded me of my own surprise...
the guy I spend most of my time with at work, reminds me of Corey,
has his bright blue eyes and his hands. :(
I got super I-wanna-go-home depressed when I realized it.
right now, I've just been listening to/singing the song I used to sing Corey and his baby nephew to sleep with. :/

on the upside, I can make drinks at starbucks now so I don't feel quite so useless.
hope you choke

{can you tell me, softly, how you'll always haunt me}

I can't stop dreaming of him.


everything hes done makes me so hurt and angry and sad.

but I pity him as a pathetic person
and I hope he finds his way.

part of me is still so hurt and angry
but I can let go...at least for the most part.

all I want,
is the only thing I'll never get,
an apology.

I loved you.
now leave me be.

  • Current Music
    vois sur ton chermon
  • Tags
hope you choke

{stop chasing dreams}

apprently Corey has been telling everyone we broke up when I moved out...
after he BEGGED me to stay together.
I'm really starting to fucking hate him,
I can't believe I ever thought he actually loved me.
in fact, its laughable, a fucking comedy.

I was worth so little to him,
he didn't even tell me we broke up.
oh, I feel SO fucking stupid right now
 I mean, I'm the only one hes cheated on, h
es lied to me
(which is weird for Corey, everyone knows him for being super honest),
and he was so empathetic and understand when I met him,
but at the end he just made me feel like I was crazy. :(

bird with french fry

{take the fall and run to heaven}



I start tomorrow.

I'm sooo glad,
working should keep my mind off Corey(hopefully),

and allow me to get a car and start saving up for an apartment.
(living with dad for more than 6 months is not really an option.)

I'm supposed to be getting my blood work back today as well....