Farewell internet!
may we met again.
may we met again.
- {the night make my skin crawl kind of evening}
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
1calm_whirlwind- February 1st, 15:18
mellow
- give in(poem/song) so this one doesn't make a shit load of sense. xD
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 30th, 13:13
creative
the death of rain makes crystal splatters,
now its time to play.
a secret game, a special game,
'cause theres nothing left to gain,
theres left to lose.
the shining saphire blade,
guides me through the storm,
the bloodly saphire blade,
threads a beautiful chain through my bones,
flickering,
entraceing.
dreams have come and gone,
sleep brings no rest,
dreams have died,
so now its time to play.
the devils remind me at every given chance,
nothing is real,
is it all a dream?
is this all a dream?
'cause I don't remember,
don't recall what happened to the rain,
don't remember, don't recall
whos left here to blame.
little tears and broken seams,
patched on personality.
the sunlight looks angry,
I must find a shell,
the sunlight looks angry
I will fly to hell.
tangiable darkness is my only embrace,
beloved embers shield me from their beating hearts.
rusty voices,
rusty voices,
long dead, long awakened.
rusty voices,
rusty voices,
I hold out my hand.
- memoirs of lost light(another zombie song...wtf has gotten into me? @_@)
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 27th, 23:19
weird
the nights filled with sound,
and its too dark for shadows,
eyes are useless here,
when the stars hide their faces.
white sage, wind chimes,
clear the air and steady my mind,
white sage, wind chimes,
the dead wander close behind
I try to find someone else alive in this cage of night,
but all I see is a mosiac of hide and bone flecks,
the fog closes in, washing away my path,
fear becomes thought as desperation sharpens my senses.
white sage, wind chimes,
clear the air and steady my mind,
white sage, wind chimes,
the dead wander close behind
I hear noises, blind in the ink blot of atmostphere,
I feel sick, they are not nature's songs.
I thought I saw a bit of tatered cloth,
I thought I saw the glin of broken teeth.
white sage, wind chimes,
clear the air and steady my mind,
white sage, wind chimes,
the dead wander close behind
the sand is running out,
threads of dawn barelyspark the darkness.
they shuffle in, I have no where to hide;
they circle me, an embrace of judgement.
white sage, wind chimes,
clear the air and steady my mind,
white sage, wind chimes,
the dead wander close behind
tears stain my last moments,
eaten alive,
my last thought,
as my blood paints their putrid flesh,
is of the machete the old man begged me to take,
would I have had a chance?
white sage, wind chimes,
remind me to never go out at night;
white sage, wind chimes,
the dead are always close behind
- Naarah passed it along to me
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 27th, 19:57
- happy
Comment and I'll give you a letter, then you have to list ten people/places/things you love that begin with that letter, afterward post it on your journal and fill out letters of your own.
damn it Naarah, this is a hard letter!
>_<
lol
My letter: P
1. potato bread
2. peanut butter and crackers
3. pulp juice
4. pop up blocker
5. producers of those amazing japanese horror games and movies
6. pondering
7. pandas
8. paranormal
9. pausing to watch the sky
10. putting (more)life into the ground
- RIP(poem/song thing) I can not believe I seriously just wrote about zombies. xD
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 26th, 23:38
- creative
Dearest love of mine,
here I sing, for you, a lullaby
to ward off your nightmares,
and keep you company in the rain.
your grave is littered with rotten petals of marigold
I've plucked with fingers stiff and cold.
as the sky bleeds away,
even the ravens stray,
I'm still here,
I know you'll come back to me dear.
the earth is hard now
my face is tattooed with streaked mascara,
I pray for you,
come back to me,
I'm waiting,
all alone.
my shoulders shake,
I began to cry.
your grave is littered with rotten petals of marigold
I've plucked with fingers stiff and cold.
as the sky bleeds away,
even the ravens stray,
I'm still here,
I know you'll come back to me dear.
then your hands grasp mine,
and the earth parts like the red sea
you look at me with the eyes of an over cooked fish,
and savage smile of a stranger,
my hope proved not in vain,
I smiled for the first time since fate severed your thread.
your grave is littered with rotten petals of marigold
I've plucked with fingers stiff and cold.
as the sky bleeds away,
even the ravens stray,
I'm still here,
I know you'll come back to me dear.
deep in joy,
I stand and fall in to your arms,
as I am cuddled into that soft decaying chest,
you began to rip the warm flesh away,
my face is half gone but I can be happy this way.
your grave is littered with rotten petals of marigold
I've plucked with fingers stiff and cold.
as the sky bleeds away,
even the ravens stray,
together forever,
I'm inside you now so we can be separated never.
I sing this lullaby,
resonating in your bones,
keeping warm the cockles of your sweet heart,
I am strangely at peace.
- {I'd run a mile for you blind folded}
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 25th, 21:10
better
I'm...doing better now,
still feel like I've been de-boned
but thats better than before.
-_-;
I just realized how dependant I was on Corey,
I never had to deal with any thing,
I just let him take care of me.
thats why it hurts so much now,
why everything is so hard,
and I feel like I can't handle any thing,
can't do anything for myself.
I've cried so much today,
but I'm done now I think
(for today at least :'D)
I understand this,
I can be stronger now because of it
- Golem
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 25th, 11:54
melancholy
I feel like a kicked dog,
too beaten to retaliate.
I am a bound child,
with heavy chains made of rosaries.
something, something secrets through my skin,something, something flays the scars. HEY!
blood splatters the filthy walls,
and trickles down your thighs,
blood fills the sink and the bed,
the glint of your teeth is my nightmare.
something, something secrets through my skin,
something, something tells me this is not okay. HEY!
am I your candy?
just fine and dandy,
who would object?
guess I'm ripe for the pickin!
why am I so bitter in my later years?
plucked too soon,
ruined, defiled,
no, no, no vaule, NO!
something, something secrets through my skin,
something, something puts me on display. HEY!
wide eyes, wide eyes
no innocence
tear streaked, tear streaked
dirty faces.
HEY HEY HEY!
HEY HEY HEY!
I have bones!
yes, I have bones!
I can stand on my own,
no weakness allowed!
be brave, be brave
I have bones!
don't cry, don't cry
I have bones!
HEY HEY HEY!
something, something secrets through my skin
something, someone steals all my blood.
I'm just a golem,
flesh and bone
clumsy and inefficient
I'll be brave,
I know no other way.
- {I'm on your side, if you fail at least you tried}
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 25th, 11:33
- crushed
I failed my driver's test, I'm trying again on wednesday.
DPS lady said I would've passed if I had made the one turn I missed.
(she said left but pointed up so I got really confused.)
I feel like absolute shit.
I couldn't stop crying in the car for stupid, redundant reasons,
I feel like a failure,
I haven't been able to do any thing right for like two years now,
I'm just really, really sick of it.
I'm tired of trying,
of even bothering to try to do any thing,
doesn't seem to matter,
whatever I do I end up hurting myself in the end.
-crawls under a rock in the emo corner-
- my new favoritest song: razorblade-blue october
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 24th, 20:15
- optimistic
- {I will give my all so your tears will no longer fall down, down on sorrow's stone}
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 22nd, 10:34
drained
so I found something out about myself.
In order to do one of the things I love most,
in order to write,
I have to be in pain,
so much pain.
or else I can't.
it seems laughable now,
I was depressed over not being able to write,
its because I was happy,
I was so happy with Corey.
pain, misery and the like are my only muse.
thats why I can be creative now,
its how my mind deals with pain,
it just lets me write and numb the pain,
lets me make peace with myself for a while.
I can't believe I ever complained about it....
I miss him so much.
:(
- love's fractured light
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 22nd, 6:20
deep in the darkest light,
my hands are reaching for you,
using my broken sight,
but only shadows fill this bed so new.
marbles of moonlight upsurp my dreams,
I feel myself fall,
and watch the clouds for a face which gleams,
because you're not sleeping here against the wall.
cascading memories cover my thoughts,
I can't rest without you by my side,
staring at the celing, counting dots,
because I don't know if you've lived or died.
tears flow like dew,
my heart filled with a single wish,
to keep me optomistic on the way to someplace new,
is there is some part of me you still miss?
blurred flashes of love,
keeping me pinned here,
oh, set me free, like a dove,
this crow, doomed to always leer.
the empty room feels chill,
only for a moment, am I allowed to morn,
the blood brushed bruise of the sky, for now, is still,
my head bowed, I am lorn.
in the embrace of endless suffering you,
in your path you've walked all alone,
didn't want to let any one through,
but its okay love, I won't condone.
I'll hold you in your painful hour,
my own weakness made to drown,
willing what strength exists within me to flower,
you can't drag me down.
a drop of light smears the mask,
my hands together, I pray
to prompt dawn to share her flask,
please revive our joy, I say.
- I do
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 22nd, 4:02
- calm
I remember scarlet flowers,
littered on the ground.
Someone told me,
long ago,
that I could never understand.
the joy, the loss;
the heartache and the priceless touch.
the wound that refuses to heal pours forth again,
with its cleasing,
I shall feel okay again.
I will suffer,
I will rejoice,
I will hesitate,
I will take the plunge.
Someone once told me I'd never understand,
someone told me I'd never take the chance.
a sugary drop of moonlight expands the lonely sky,
the horizon tinged with affection,
I can recall your sweetness.
I will suffer,
I will rejoice,
I will hesitate,
I will take the plunge.
the bleached sun is too bright,
it won't let me think of you.
but once it slumbers,
beneath the violent ocean,
I can cradle my feelings.
I will suffer,
I will rejoice,
I will hesitate,
I will take the plunge.
scarlet petals float like dust,
aimless,
beautiful.
someone told me I'd never understand
- {a starless sky, no moon light}
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 20th, 14:52
- grateful
so I have a high likely hood of working with my dad,
its a temp job,
only 2 months.
its grueling work,
7 days a week,
at least 13 hours day of work.
but I'll make like 18000 so after this I won't have to work for a while,
and I won't have to work full time,
just a part time job will do fine.
- Falter
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 20th, 14:45
- cold
pick myself up,
up again.
pack my bags,
and try to forget.
my nerves are wafer thin
and my nails are bleeding.
I put one foot in front of the other,
its all I can do really,
I don't know where I'm going,
just know its temporary.
my eyes tell me everythings scary,
my heart tells me to be wary,
I don't know where I'll be,
the next time you think of me.
my life lessons,
I learn again and again
never believe, never assume
and ignorance doesn't wash away the past.
I feel like I'm made of broken parts,
no matter how much I struggle,
I can't outrun,
I can't escape the jaws of fate.
my eyes tell me everythings scary,
my heart tells to be wary,
I don't know where I'll be,
the next time you think of me.
the leaves are falling now,
I wonder if you remember me?
the sky is white and bleak,
do you feel as I feel?
thorns thicken and tighten around my swelling dreams,
the stars are forgetting to glow,
its too dark here,
its getting colder and sadder.
as my tears stain the hotel bed,
I tell myself it won't be long,
I put one foot in front of the other,
its all I can do really,
I don't know where I'm going,
I just understand its temporary.
- {we were the ones who always kept quiet and did what we were told}
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 19th, 13:15
- crushed
I feel kinda normal today,
picking myself up is hard.
I wish I didn't have to but thats life I guess.
I'm sewing everything together now,
driving test on friday,
job hunting when Jake gets up,
a plan for house/hotel hoppping,
and a plan for a rent house with Jake and roommate.
I feel so weak,
dealing with this mess has taken
just about every ioda of stregth and preserverance I have.
everything will get better though,
thats what keeps me going,
just letting myself hope everything will be fine.
at least I won't have to house/hotel hop soon,
I'll have a place to live soon,
soon...
- dark dawn
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 18th, 0:03
- melancholy
the dawn is dark,
soft hues grow into nightmare bleeding colors.
pretty words twist into an angry hiss,
and no body knows how to play this game.
the dreams are dying,
falling into silence,
no revival.
the dawn is dark,
soft hues grow into nightmare bleeding colors.
striving for sunlight,
flutteringso joyful,
falling.
wings twisted and crust'd with scars,
peaceful oblivion,
basked in the light of tears,
shatters just beneath the ground,
something is broken,
something is wrong,
oh but don't you know?
something always goes awry.
the dawn is dark,
soft hues grow into nightmare bleeding colors.
no such thing as stablity,
and the pain gives rise to maddness,
take the reins from my hands and guide me now please,
I don't want to be brave any more.
someone help me,
I've tried so hard,
again and again,
unfurling wings just to fracture them to pieces.
I yearn for a happy ending
but the dawn is dark,
and I'm mesmerized by the suicide of stars.
the soft hues have become nightmare bleeding colors,
blinded by a poisened love,
does a thoughtless world gives up now,
will no one take my hand?
- {until we don't have the strength to go on}
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 17th, 19:13
- sick
so my staying at my dad's is out.
just stepping in the door made me so sick
that I had to run outside and throw up a little.
concentrated bug poisen,
dog,
nasty non-cleanness,
and roaches.
my weak ass health can't handle that.
my aunt veronica said I can stay the week so I figure out what I'm gonna do,
and get my dl.
- {we got bills to pay, we got mouths to feed}
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 16th, 19:31
bouncy
driving practice tomorrow,
hopefully I haven't gotten TOO bad in the 5 months I haven't driven at all.
>_>;
may have found a place to live with my cousin Jake,
we may move in to a rent house sometime in may.
:D
- and awaaay I go!
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 14th, 22:41
frustrated
so,
starting tomorrow I'm continuing my cycle of house hopping.
not a whole lot I can do to help it atm,
though I hate it.
I'm gonna aim for a dl on monday
and a job ASAP
then as soon as I can,
an apartment.
I WILL NOT DO this cycle any more than I have to,
I'm so sick of it.
It doesn't help that Coreys being kinda callous about it,
saying "you're strong, you'll figure something out."
like thats what I'm worried about,
I know I'll deal,
its just that I've been 'just dealing' since I was like 3.
I'm just fucking tired of it.
- {I need your love, I am a broken rose}
-
- 1calm_whirlwind
- January 12th, 11:38
- terrible!
so the bus didn't show when I needed it to take me an important consular meeting.
the fucking GPS was broke and giving the guy directions 3 times from 2 different people apparently didn't help.
so I missed the appointment,
grand.
also my rib hurts pretty bad again and yesterday I couldn't use my right hand.
I also didn't get sleepy until around 8 AM...my appointment was at 11.
so I didn't go to sleep for an appointment I didn't go to.
and now I'm attempting to gather up the strength to call my dad and tell him what happened and that I can't stay with Corey right now and that I'd like to work with him as soon as possible if I can.
I don't wanna leave,
god, it hurts so much.
:(
